oh daaaaaaamn, it's been a long and worrisome few months. or year-point-five, even. it just feels like we've been swirling around in seemingly bad luck for a while. moving to new states, growing pains, apartment break-ins, family drama, jobless-ness, work burnout, depression, finding new homes, and death. we've had so much to deal with on our shoulders, all at once or right after another, that it feels as if much more time has passed. this house...it's gonna be a lot of work. there are walls to paint, floors to completely redo, a shower to rebuild, an a/c unit that will very likely give out soon if it hasn't already, countless holes to patch, and doors to replace.
but it'll finally be our place! wall-e will have a small yard to run around and play in, we can play the drums, sing, hell...even go to the bathroom without having to hear our neighbors flush their toilets. i'm excited about not having most of our things in storage...we'll be able to set up and decorate from scratch...a place that'll feel like us.
but most of all, i feel like it's a fresh start. i think we've gotten so bogged down lately, that we haven't really been ourselves. we haven't been comfortable. and unfortunately, when i say "we," i mean "i." the hubs is a stresser - it's what he does. he stresses about money, he stresses about the economy, he stresses about our friendships... and i'm a calmer. i calm him down when he worries, i cheer up friends when they're down, and i try to remind people to smile, 'cause we're all gonna die one day, so we may as well smile on the way there. but...every now and then, the backpack gets a little heavy and the littlest thing'll knock me over.
and so i apologize.
i apologize to my friends for being quite the shitty friend, this year. i want to see you more often. i promise i will make more of an effort for you. i will be there for you
i apologize to my family for not being there when you needed me. i will make more time for you. i will be there for you.
i apologize to my husband. i've been detached. i haven't smiled as often for you. i love you, and i always will. i am here for you.
and i apologize to myself. i have neglected my sanity. i have stopped focusing on the beautiful things and had become overly apathetic. i will smile more. i will be more honest. i will make more music. i will sing more often. i will draw. i will make more time for me.
didn't mean for this to turn...mopey or anything. but getting this house, beginning this new stage in our lives, and thinking a lot about where my life is going has forced me to re-evaluate everything lately. this will serve as a new year's resolution of sorts, too, i guess. i haven't felt the need to make one of those in a very long time. but now's a good as time as any to break everything down and begin to rebuild.
<3
PS - @kadielynn83: thank you for reminding me of what's important.
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