Eveything Eventually

my tattoo sketches are finally done! the concept was easy to come up with, but it's taken me a while to get juuuuust the right design. the hubs didn't care for most of my sketches at home, and at work, i had my lovely coworker Evelyn to judge them harshly. afterall, this one's gonna be visible, so i didn't want to sketch something that people are gonna go "durr, that looks like insert-something-stupid-here."

so, ok! i was originally looking up sketch-ideas for an ouroboros design. the ouroboros is supposed to represent, not only the undestroyable "origin" of things that recreates and sustains itself, but also the unchanged and untarnished "child" that exists within people. in searching for images of the ouroboros, i came across someone's rendering of a quetzalcoatl in ouroboros-form. the mesoamerican god's name translates to the "feathered serpant," so i started sketching feather-y like snakes, but i couldn't really find one that i liked. i kept finding dragon-looking heads and weird statuesque faces that looked like snake-monkeys.

last thing i need is this friendly doofus staring at me, everyday

finally, i decided to start taking more creative license with the design. i don't know why i hadn't before... i used to sketch and draw stuff a long while back, but i haven't really busted out any sketchbooks in a very long time. i'm not one to really feel like drawing when i'm in a non-depressive mood. emo...i know.

unfortunately, the sketches i was coming up with sucked. really bad. i came up with the perfect head-design, but the part of the tattoo that would connect said head to the rest of the body kept turning out like other crap. i tried designing wings with a celtic knot-esque design, but they looked like a raabit face. i made the entire torso design out of triangles and sharp spokes and Evelyn said it looked like i'd drawn the Decepticon logo from Transformers. DEFINITELY the last thing i want is for everyone to see my tattoo and go "YES! Transformers!!" now, i love me some Transformers... but i don't want them on my person without my permission.

so i did the mopey thing a couple of days ago...came home and tore up the page i'd been sketching on. i took out my old sketchbooks for the first time in 73 years and started flipping through the pages. not to say that i was any good back then, but holy shit, it's as if i'd completely forgotten how to do anything with a pencil in my hand. i stayed up drawing that night, and now i have my perfect tattoo sketch.

i used to draw feathers and wings aaaall the time

my tattoo will start on the top of my left foot and slowly wrap around my ankle 1.5 times, while slightly rising, and finishing on the back of my leg.

i kind of like the contrast between this tattoo and the last. the one on my back is personal and its meaning lies between my partner and i. this one's included everyone in its creation, and everyone will be able to see it (especially since i looove to wear shorts and sandals all year round ^_^).

the most exciting thing is that the hubs seems to finally be on board.  after more of his usual moaning-and-groaning, i told him that he'd better learn to be ok with it, since it was going to happen whether he wanted it or not, and that it was, above all things, permanent.  he surprised me by stating that he'd probably like it once it was actually on me, and that my design was kinda cool.  i also told him that i'm going to go super nerdy with the next tattoos, but that can wait for next year's birthday. giddy giddy me!

<3

PS, everyone at work liked my tattoo idea!!  Evelyn did too, though she said the head reminded her of a penis. i'm ok with that. ;)

Dreamscapes and Permanent Symbols

so i don't normally remember my dreams. i vividly remember many more dreams from when i was a young'n than any recent ones (though...that's probably 'cause most of those were terrifying and traumatic nightmares). however, i guess my crazy sleep schedule has caused my brain to suddenly attribute some importance to what it spews up at night. in the last 3 days, i've recalled being chased around my high school by Wolverine (not a sexual dream, regrettably -_-), and losing one of my earrings.

the former was just weird and random, and i didn't try to read anything into it, but the latter really freaked me out. i woke up unsure of whether it had happened or not and hesitantly reached up to feel if it was still there or not. my earrings are very special to me. i wear one black one on my left ear and one silver one on my right ear as constant reminders of a need for "balance." i never switch them out and i never wear anything else - they're very important to me.

and while we're on the topic of body alterations... i told myself when i was but a wee-little gay boy that i wanted to do something special for myself every birthday since i turned 18. that day, i got my cartilage pierced (this has since been removed 'cause the hubs didn't care for it. not too special. it's ok). when i was 19, i got my two regular ear-piercings. and at 20, i got a tattoo on my upper back. BUT, i haven't done anything since! so, this year, i've told myself that i will not waiver from my original plan and i've been working on various tattoo ideas. i've been going over them with the hubs, 'cause, even though i know it's my body and all that blah-blah stuff, i respect his opinion and i won't get anything that he wouldn't like.



i've come up with a few ideas, but i'm PRETTY sure i've decided on which one i'll be getting next. i'm really excited!! the idea i have will be a little less...hidden...than my previous one. *nerdy squeal*


finally, i think Gears of War 3 came out today. i'm so angry with myself for never having played the series. i did see a GoW1+2 pack at Gamestop a few weeks ago, so i think that'll be the first thing i pick up. then, depending on whether i like the series or not, i'll either continue with it, or switch over and buy that one zombie game that everyone (except me) is playing.


i haven't touched my Xbox for anything other than Netflix in weeks. how shameful.

<3


PS, i don't want to say much on this topic... but i'd totally get someone fired for doing/saying something insulting and unethical, regardless of the fact that they're close to retirement. age doesn't supersede propriety. i guess that makes me a bad person (it doesn't).

first blogger-thingy-post ever! hurraaay *confetti*

my original idea was to somehow manage to transfer all of my livejournal entries over to blogger, serving as my background of writing-ness.  unfortunately, any of the tools and programs that i found that may have worked 3 years ago (that's when they were all last updated -_-) didn't work.  even if i didn't end up transferring everything over... it would've been nice to be able to save them all into some massive file for safekeeping.  but it's not like i actually planned to one day go back and read them all.  so no sleep lost.

so anyway, last night, i somehow fell asleep much earlier than usual.  normal bed-time is about 1am...possibly later.  i remember flipping through Netflix movies on the xbox and wondering what would be fun to watch, when next thing i know, i open my eyes and the apartment is completely pitch black.  i'd fallen asleep.  all the lights are off, the puppy (Wall-E) and the kitten (Lebowski) are gone, and the hubs can be heard snoring in the bedroom.  i join him and sleep off and on for the next few hours, finally deciding i couldn't sleep anymore around 4:30am (fucking fantastic - my day off and i'm awake since before dawn).  after the hubs returns from work, he bestows upon me the knowledge that, not only had i fallen asleep at the RIDICULOUS hour of only 9:30pm, but that i'd fallen asleep sitting up with the controller in hand.

classic.

today was spent catching up on movies!  hurray!  i usually don't make have time to watch movies at home, so it was really refreshing, even if i didn't get much else done.  i watched Foxy Brown, an awesome and sexy movie, starring Pam Grier (who came to visit our library a while back, and i had no idea who she was x_x), and Rabbit Hole, a sad-but-not-tear-inducing movie about a couple who struggles to cope with life after the loss of their son.  i was absolutely fascinated with this second movie.  it wasn't really deep or anything, and it wasn't overly sentimental, which i appreciated... it just felt like the telling of a story.  no real plot, no climax, no beginning and end... just cultivation in a vacuous space.

that's the logical part of what i got out of it, anyway... honestly, the movie had me reflecting on what i personally do with the memories i'd rather not recall.  the movie's couple often asked the questions "what happens now?" and "will this go away?" and the answers they were given (or not given) heavily resonated with me.  there's this one particular scene where nicole kidman's mom says something like "you never get over it.  you carry it around like a brick in your pocket.  sometimes you forget for a little while.  but then sometimes you'll reach in for something and go find it all over again. 'oh, right. that.' "  and i knew exactly what she was talking about.  i haven't lost a son or experienced any great loss, mind you.  but i know well the feeling of wishing i could bury a memory and not have to see it again.

emotional shit aside, yaay, i got a day to watch some movies!!  we later had dinner with some friends, shot the shit and gossiped about people we know and dislike.  a good relaxing day off.

<3