Why the World Needs (More) LGBTQ Heroes / Wolverine Says I'm OK

As a heads up, while reading this entry, you'll see the acronym LGBTQ a few times. For those of you who do have never seen, it stands for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer/Questioning.  Though this acronym is by no means perfect or all-inclusive of the brilliantly complex and colorful world that is humankind, it's the one I'll be using for this particular blog entry.

The other day, a couple of friends and I were discussing the topic of gay superheroes.  One friend seemed slightly irritated by the notion, claiming that gay people just want everything gay - gay heroes, gay celebrities, etc. but without any specific reason save for a fulfillment of fantasy.  The timing was perfect (though it wasn't mentioned in our particular conversation), because recently, the actor who starred in Amazing Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield, had posed the question: "Why can't he be gay?" in regards to the famous web-slinger.  He later stated that he was raising a philosophical point and that he understood that it wouldn't really make sense to retcon a character's orientation mid-movie series, but it's not as if that kind of thing doesn't happen in real life - sexuality and orientation can be fluid things that do not necessarily have to be set in stone... but I digress.

Why can't the Amazing Spider-Man be gay?  Could you imagine how the world would react if a mainstream character suddenly came out of the closet?  People may stop reading their books, people may refuse to watch the films, and though some comic-creators are in the business out of passion, publishers may not excitedly jump through hoops to risk money for the sake of societal revolution.  But... notice I said mainstream character.  Many people have no idea that there are, in fact, LGBTQ characters in the superhero world.  I don't mean comics that one has never seen in stores, either, or comics that one buys from the back rooms of certain kinds of shops or from darkly lit internet websites.  There are LGBTQ characters both in mainstream continuity (comic stories that almost every one knows the stories to) and alternate universes.

Rictor and Shatterstar

The first gay kiss in the Marvel Universe happened between Rictor and Shatterstar, in X-Factor v.3 #45 in August of 2009.  Every Marvel comic reader can tell you they've at least heard of X-Factor, but the truth is that the two characters are not exactly household names.  This ended up being a good thing though, as it allowed the writers to continue to explore their relationship and sexuality without fearing censorship.

Wiccan and Hulkling

There's also Wiccan and Hulkling from Young Avengers.  This particular set of characters has been pretty open about their being in a relationship together.  However, it took more than 5 years before there was ever an on-panel kiss between them.

The Wedding

I'd say that Northstar and Kyle Jinadu are possibly the more well-known gay characters (at least Northstar, originally from Alpha Flight, is) of the mainstream Marvel universe.  The two characters got to tie the not in Astonishing X-Men #51 in June of 2012.

Batwoman proposing

In the DC universe, Batwoman was retconned as a lesbian.  This is slightly comical, as she was originally brought into being to show that campy Batman wasn't gay.  I admittedly haven't read any of her comics, but have always heard amazing things.  And she looks kickass.

Alan Scott, the very first Green Lantern

Then we get into some big names, but these characters felt like cop-outs.  A short while back, DC hinted that a very well-known and already well-established character was going to come out of the closet.  It was Green Lantern... however, it wasn't Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern that was portrayed by Ryan Reynolds in the recent film, or any of the Green Lanterns in the animated movies that have been released - it was Alan Scott, the very first Green Lantern from the Golden Era of comics.  After the New 52 revamped the DC universe, Alan Scott was re-imagined as a part of Earth 2... which isn't the main universe of the DC line of comics.  Interestingly, before the DC line of comics was revamped (which time, right?), Alan Scott had a son, named Obsidian, who was also gay.

Alan Scott's son, Obsidian

Nightcrawler and Colossus

Ultimate Comics is one of my favorite non-mainstream comic universes.  I've thoroughly enjoyed the stories and was quite surprised when I learned that Colossus was gay. Before meeting and beginning to date Northstar (the go-to gay guy, I suppose), he'd felt an unrequited affection for this universe's Wolverine, going so far as to beating the snot out of Magneto for hurting our favorite canucklehead, once.  It was awesome.  The writers also introduced some interesting drama between Colossus and his very good friend Nightcrawler - the latter has always been very old-school Catholic, so it wasn't surprising that he was rather disgusted by his friend's orientation.  Colossus called him out on it and commented that he'd expected someone who had always been so different from the rest of humanity in appearance, who'd experienced so much ostracism and hatred for being different to understand him.

And then it turned out Wolverine was gay.  No, not the Wolverine that you've wanted to dress up as for multiple Halloweens, silverware between your fingers; and not the Hugh Jackman-Wolverine that graced the big screen, but James Howlett - the Wolverine from the X-Treme X-Men universe.  He was every bit as furry and gruff and kickass as the Wolverine that you instantly picture in your head when you hear the name (the yellow and blue), but he existed in another world, in another line of comics, and therefore out of the minds of people who may have needed him.  Yes, needed him, because if there ever was an LGBTQ hero that I could've really looked up to growing up, it would've been him.

Hercules and James Howlett

I've written before that I absolutely felt like the only gay guy in the world, but allow me to delve a little deeper into that.  I knew, logically, that I wasn't alone - I wasn't so foolish to think that I was so different that I'd be the only one like me in a world populated by countless people.  However, I never felt connected to anyone or anything, be it a character on TV, the guy who cut my mom's hair, or the stereotypical archetype that has been implanted in every brain as the typical gay guy.  I never felt the urge to dress up and sparkle as fabulously as Elton John, nor was I ever as magical or witty as Jack and Will (respectively), from Will & Grace.  There was simply no character that I felt drawn to in the way that the people with S-shaped tattoos who looked up to the All-American hero that is Superman may have been.

Granted, aside from a healthy amount of back fur, I'm nothing like Wolverine.  But I admire him.  Yes, he's been known to chop things up and ask questions later, but he's also really old, wise, and passionate.  If I'd have known from a young age that a character like Wolverine could be gay, maybe I wouldn't have struggled so much.  If Wolverine can kiss Hercules on-panel what could ever possibly dare to intrude on my sense of self and cause me to question my very existence?!

Too many people have taken their lives, because they felt alone, because they couldn't shut out the onslaught of overwhelmingly hateful voices, and because they believed they were sin itself.  I'm not saying that having more LGBTQ characters in comic books will stop kids from committing suicide or getting bullied, but they sure as hell wouldn't hurt.  Just as every turd-for-a-brain celebrity or politician that opens their shit-eating mouth and callously says things that have the possibility of completely debilitating an already unsure soul, every superhero, ever celebrity, every image that says "It's completely OK to be different" can do the opposite.

We need more mainstream heroes that are unabashedly different, even amongst their flying and teleporting teammates.  We need mainstream questioning and transgender heroes that are not afraid to show that their sexuality or gender is not limited by the societal constructs that surround the culture into which they were written.  Because the truth is that comic book characters are as sexual as real human beings; they don't have to have sex on-panel, they create meaningful relationships with other fictional characters and it's what we expect, because we want our  heroes to be as realistic as possible.  We absorb them as they are the magnificent ones we wish to emulate; they are the beautiful and the brave that we hold inside ourselves. These characters are taken into the human psyche and they have the potential to influence the real world as much as they do their fictional ones.

So when Wolverine says it's ok to be gay, no one could ever take that away from me.  Now imagine if the whole world could hear him say so.

<3

tossing this one in for comedic effect. they weren't bashful about it and that's awesome

"...choose kind" / connecting with my younger self

Quite a few boxes of tissues later, I've finished reading Wonder, by R.J. Palacio and I can honestly say that, so far, no other book has affected me so emotionally.  Now, I'm a pretty sappy reader; it doesn't take much to get me teary (which I'm sure this is no surprise to anyone).  This book, though...

holy crap.

This book pushed me way past the point of "definitely don't try reading this in public."  I sobbed.  I wept.  Don't think that it was only during the book's climax or some critically sentimental point or anything like that, either. Every few pages, this book repeatedly slammed into every one of my old emotional triggers, re-opening wounds and reintroducing feelings of abysmal loneliness, intense hatred, overwhelming self-consciousness, and utter self-loathing that I'd not delved into in a very long time.

This book is about a normal, geeky, Star Wars-loving boy, named August, with an incredibly unlucky fate - a rare combination of craniofacial anomalies has "...waged war on his face."  The book doesn't immediately specify his anomaly, and so the story lets you imagine your very own version of Auggie, as if tempting your imagined stereotypes with the tagline "I won't describe what I look like.  Whatever you're thinking, it's probably worse."  But the book is really less about what he looks like and more about what kind of people exist in the world.

Auggie's going to start school for the first time... middle school.  Auggie expects the stares, the second glances, and the fake smiles as he's experienced them his entire life.  He doesn't expect the viciousness of children.  See, no one knows who they are in middle school and people grasp left and right for a place to fit in, resulting in personalities of all kinds thrashing about like wild suffocating beasts... regardless of what fragile things lay in their path.  There are somewhat-friends, there are mean-looking nurses with golden hearts, and there are kids who blatantly shoot deadly words in the middle of class.

And all of this took me back.  Granted, I can't possibly compare my life to one of a boy experiencing life away from his neighborhood for the first time, his specialness marked into his very flesh.  But the way Auggie describes his experiences - walking in hallways with his head down while hiding behind his mother and inwardly begging people not to notice him, listening to someone speak and then hesitate or falter for a brief almost unnoticeable second before continuing: "She noticed me." - overwhelmed me completely.

Kids can be utter shit.

The book also has these "precepts" that Auggie's English teacher uses to teach his course.  They're all about growth and being better people, and the first one immediately reminded me of the letter my 8th grade English teacher shared with us on the last day.  Y'know... that same one I've written about before, instructing us to "be people of integrity."  See?  Hitting all kinds of emotional triggers.

I don't expect people to have the same emotional reactions that I did, but I do think everyone should read this book.  Even if there's no emotional connection and even if there's a difficulty empathizing with a character who exists in a reality so different from one's own, this book must be read.  I'll close with the list of Mr Browne's precepts, because I think their beauty stands to make a point outside of the wonder that is this book.

Also the book trailer, 'cause it's what first sucked me into this experience
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fgB7_KpBDss

<3

"When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind." -Dr. Wayne W Dyer

"Your deeds are your monuments." -inscription on an Egyptian tomb

"Have no friends not equal to yourself." -Confucius

"Audentes fortuna iuvat." (Fortune favors the bold.) -Virgil

"No man is an island, entire of itself." -John Donne

"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers." -James Thurber

"Kind words do not cost much.  Yet they accomplish much." -Blaise Pascal

"What is beautiful is good, and who is good will soon be beautiful." -Sappho

"Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as you ever can."
-John Wesley's Rule

"Just follow the day and reach for the sun!" -The Polyphonic Spree, "Light and Day"

on finding someone / a world different and not

For the second time this year, I've been asked by someone I don't know well to help find that special someone. I've only just recently met her online, and so I was incredibly surprised and honored to be tasked with such a thing. I had to find a way to say "I can't do this for you, you gotta do it" without scaring her with how challenging it can be (I think she's also recently come out to herself), while simultaneously pushing her towards a path of personal growth in a world that is changing, but far from kind to people who are different.

When it was finished, I realized I'd not given the same effort to the first person who'd made the same request of me. He quickly latched on, emotionally, and I instantly felt the intense need for space. The result was a very long and drawn out scenario which felt like someone trying to break up with me. Unfortunately, my emotional disconnect let me feel as if this was tedious and annoying; I stopped caring for what he may have been going through and I stopped wanting to help.

The two situations were asking the same of me and yet, because one did not demand it, I was able to connect and care enough to write from the heart. In posting what I wrote to her, I hope for two things: to alleviate some of the guilt I feel (now, but not then) for not devoting the same amount of effort when I could have; and to share it with some of my friends whom I know feel the pangs of loneliness and wish they had someone by their side, gay or otherwise.
<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

above all, i'm incredibly honored that you'd place such a task in my hands.

but let me tell you why i can't do this for you or anyone else...

finding that special someone... finally finding the person who will become your best friend and lover, someone who you know will always be there, someone who knows you down to the very soul... finding this person is a journey and experience in itself.  i couldn't possibly do this for you.

dating in this world is both the same as the heteronormative one AND vastly different.  we can't just go up to the people we find ourselves attracted to and say "hey! wanna date?" because they may not be of the right persuasion.  we can't walk around with a sign around our neck that screams "HEY, I'M GAY, ASK ME OUT" 'cause well, that's silly, right?

so it's different.  it's a challenge.  it's a path of bumps and wrong turns, heartache, mistakes, happinesses, and warmth... but above all, growth.  you will learn more about yourself in how you react to others.  you will learn what kind of person you are at your lowest and your highest.  you will be tested by the most insignificant things that you had no idea existed and you will learn waaaaay too much about other people than you'd probably ever want to know.

and sometimes, the loneliness may be so much that you'll want to just stop.  some people do.  but if it's that important to you, if it's something you truly find meaningful, then don't.  because the path, whether short or long, will be so full of memories and experience that you're constantly reminded at each step of how you're a different person than you were the day before.

there are nearly countless numbers of possibilities for whom we may find personal peace with.  and some of them will wait in coffee shops, some at sporting events, some at bars, and some online, because they're just as shy about meeting people out in the open.

you'll have to learn to be honest and open.  you'll have to learn to put yourself out there and just be you in such a true and honest way that when a person sees, hears, and gets to know you, there are no games, no masks, no lies to work around.

always be yourself and just have fun on the way. :)

Little Old Ladies / Be Bigger People

A few days ago, we had a pretty exciting day at the library.  We held a Performer's Showcase, where people from all over got to come and show their stuff to, not only members of the public, but to any other group or organization that could make use of their talents and services.  My personal favorites of the large group were the handwriting analyst, and the lady with the three-toed sloth, armadillo, and a monkey (A MONKEY!).

Anywho, so it was a busy day of making sure everyone was taken care of, accounted for, handouts, numbers, stats, etc etc, and I was happiest doing what I do best - escorting little old ladies back to their vehicles and assisting them in whatever way possible.  Only...one particular little old lady saddened my day when she asked me, sadly and seriously: "I have an Obama sticker on my car... is that OK?"

I turned to and giggled a bit, because I thought it was sweet and funny that she'd ask.  "Of course it is!"  I offered her the greatest smile I could, showing both sincerity and even the slightest hint of a similar preference.

"Well..." she paused "I was a bit worried about it."

When I asked her why she'd ever worry about it, she told me that, on the way home, she has to pass through a particular area where truckers frequent.  "I get a lot of them honking their horns and giving me the finger.  A lot of them.  ...My husband worries about me."  This little old lady had to ask me if it was alright that she had an Obama sticker on her car, because I was helping her carry her things and I would undoubtedly see it.

My heart broke.

Please make it a point to keep from insulting anyone and make it a point to not judge what your friends or members of the general public personally believe.  I've held my tongue when some of my friends have publicly said unnecessarily cruel or insulting things because of  whomever or whatever it is they choose to believe, but I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of seeing hurt feelings and worried looks.  I'm tired of people hiding behind the freedoms of speech and thinking that it translates to a freedom to be inhuman.

I assume that people are passionate about whatever their beliefs are because they inherently want the best, and they fear that any belief otherwise may not meet that raised bar.  Please understand that people that believe something opposite a personal stance may also want the same thing.

...If only people were as selfless as that.  If only I could actually believe that people would put the constitution first, because of what it represents, not because of whom it benefits.  If only people would worry more about where the uneducated children of today will stumble with all their school budgets and programs slashed, as opposed to re-elections and overflowing wallets.

At the end of 8th grade, an English teacher wrote all of her classes a letter.  I don't remember much of it, save for one line: "...be people of integrity."  The line always resonated with me, because I felt it was hypocritical - she was the same teacher that never said anything while others picked on me in class.

Now, I want to repeat it with the hope that it will resonate with someone else.

Be people of integrity.  Let this foolishness of gnawing away at each other like base animals filled with selfish drive and instinct end.