recently, a dear coworker came in and asked me for help in opening a message on a cellphone and translating it. she explains that the phone belonged to her son, who just passed away.
*gut-wrench*
the day before the death had been her other son's birthday. while everyone was out having a good time, Ricky spent most of the day at home with her. he left late into the night to go meet up with them and say hi, mostly, as he was an introverted and shy kind of guy. after a short while, everyone decides to go home, and Ricky's driving by himself, in front of the small caravan of family and friends. he'd had nothing to drink and he always drove the speed limit.
on the way home, a girl, playfully driving her car back and forth across the lanes slammed into his car. his car failed to deploy air-bags, and so Ricky died immediately from a snapped neck, without any marks left on his body.
my coworker talked to me about it and how she'd reacted. she talked about how disgusting it feels that there is no name for what has happened... "<when a person loses their parents, they become orphans...and when they lose their spouse, they become widowed...but there is no term for losing a child. it's not something that anyone should ever go through.>"
i asked her if he was a happy person, and she told me how, even though he was shy and not so outgoing, he enjoyed music, always laughed, and loved to eat candy. his brother told her that, though he felt nervous and clumsy around them, he had even danced with a girl that night. he was happy.
i cried with her, bringing myself as close as humanly possible to feeling what she felt without having experienced the same thing, and she told me to love my family and friends, because at any moment, i may not have another chance to say hello, goodbye, or i love you.
and so, to my friends and family, hello, goodbye, and i love you. i ask that you share the same message with your friends, your family, and your loved ones. at any moment, any of our existences may come to an end. and death is beautiful...it is the only absolute truth, the one thing each of us are guaranteed. however, sometimes sweet death comes to kiss our foreheads and still our drumming hearts sooner than we had planned.
my friend felt comfort in feeling that her son was in a good place and she finds strength sometimes, in knowing that he wouldn't be happy seeing her not eat, not sleep, not live... and i smile, happy that such thoughts keep her from falling apart.
but i do not believe in an afterlife. i do not believe in heaven, hell, or **insert name for what-comes-after**. i do not believe in anything other than what we are experiencing as life, now, because they are unknowable, and because they are unknowable, they do not matter - they are distractions from the present.
i beg you, from the deepest places in my heart, i beg you, don't waste your time thinking of the future or looking back into the past. live each day purposefully, with self-appointed meaning, and share experiences with those that you love. we have infinitely small amounts of time and space at our disposal, and if, in the end, there is in fact nothing but a simple halt in continuity, we will all wish we had kissed once more, hugged even tighter, and danced a little longer.
please, take care. <3
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