"...choose kind" / connecting with my younger self

Quite a few boxes of tissues later, I've finished reading Wonder, by R.J. Palacio and I can honestly say that, so far, no other book has affected me so emotionally.  Now, I'm a pretty sappy reader; it doesn't take much to get me teary (which I'm sure this is no surprise to anyone).  This book, though...

holy crap.

This book pushed me way past the point of "definitely don't try reading this in public."  I sobbed.  I wept.  Don't think that it was only during the book's climax or some critically sentimental point or anything like that, either. Every few pages, this book repeatedly slammed into every one of my old emotional triggers, re-opening wounds and reintroducing feelings of abysmal loneliness, intense hatred, overwhelming self-consciousness, and utter self-loathing that I'd not delved into in a very long time.

This book is about a normal, geeky, Star Wars-loving boy, named August, with an incredibly unlucky fate - a rare combination of craniofacial anomalies has "...waged war on his face."  The book doesn't immediately specify his anomaly, and so the story lets you imagine your very own version of Auggie, as if tempting your imagined stereotypes with the tagline "I won't describe what I look like.  Whatever you're thinking, it's probably worse."  But the book is really less about what he looks like and more about what kind of people exist in the world.

Auggie's going to start school for the first time... middle school.  Auggie expects the stares, the second glances, and the fake smiles as he's experienced them his entire life.  He doesn't expect the viciousness of children.  See, no one knows who they are in middle school and people grasp left and right for a place to fit in, resulting in personalities of all kinds thrashing about like wild suffocating beasts... regardless of what fragile things lay in their path.  There are somewhat-friends, there are mean-looking nurses with golden hearts, and there are kids who blatantly shoot deadly words in the middle of class.

And all of this took me back.  Granted, I can't possibly compare my life to one of a boy experiencing life away from his neighborhood for the first time, his specialness marked into his very flesh.  But the way Auggie describes his experiences - walking in hallways with his head down while hiding behind his mother and inwardly begging people not to notice him, listening to someone speak and then hesitate or falter for a brief almost unnoticeable second before continuing: "She noticed me." - overwhelmed me completely.

Kids can be utter shit.

The book also has these "precepts" that Auggie's English teacher uses to teach his course.  They're all about growth and being better people, and the first one immediately reminded me of the letter my 8th grade English teacher shared with us on the last day.  Y'know... that same one I've written about before, instructing us to "be people of integrity."  See?  Hitting all kinds of emotional triggers.

I don't expect people to have the same emotional reactions that I did, but I do think everyone should read this book.  Even if there's no emotional connection and even if there's a difficulty empathizing with a character who exists in a reality so different from one's own, this book must be read.  I'll close with the list of Mr Browne's precepts, because I think their beauty stands to make a point outside of the wonder that is this book.

Also the book trailer, 'cause it's what first sucked me into this experience
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fgB7_KpBDss

<3

"When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind." -Dr. Wayne W Dyer

"Your deeds are your monuments." -inscription on an Egyptian tomb

"Have no friends not equal to yourself." -Confucius

"Audentes fortuna iuvat." (Fortune favors the bold.) -Virgil

"No man is an island, entire of itself." -John Donne

"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers." -James Thurber

"Kind words do not cost much.  Yet they accomplish much." -Blaise Pascal

"What is beautiful is good, and who is good will soon be beautiful." -Sappho

"Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as you ever can."
-John Wesley's Rule

"Just follow the day and reach for the sun!" -The Polyphonic Spree, "Light and Day"

Little Old Ladies / Be Bigger People

A few days ago, we had a pretty exciting day at the library.  We held a Performer's Showcase, where people from all over got to come and show their stuff to, not only members of the public, but to any other group or organization that could make use of their talents and services.  My personal favorites of the large group were the handwriting analyst, and the lady with the three-toed sloth, armadillo, and a monkey (A MONKEY!).

Anywho, so it was a busy day of making sure everyone was taken care of, accounted for, handouts, numbers, stats, etc etc, and I was happiest doing what I do best - escorting little old ladies back to their vehicles and assisting them in whatever way possible.  Only...one particular little old lady saddened my day when she asked me, sadly and seriously: "I have an Obama sticker on my car... is that OK?"

I turned to and giggled a bit, because I thought it was sweet and funny that she'd ask.  "Of course it is!"  I offered her the greatest smile I could, showing both sincerity and even the slightest hint of a similar preference.

"Well..." she paused "I was a bit worried about it."

When I asked her why she'd ever worry about it, she told me that, on the way home, she has to pass through a particular area where truckers frequent.  "I get a lot of them honking their horns and giving me the finger.  A lot of them.  ...My husband worries about me."  This little old lady had to ask me if it was alright that she had an Obama sticker on her car, because I was helping her carry her things and I would undoubtedly see it.

My heart broke.

Please make it a point to keep from insulting anyone and make it a point to not judge what your friends or members of the general public personally believe.  I've held my tongue when some of my friends have publicly said unnecessarily cruel or insulting things because of  whomever or whatever it is they choose to believe, but I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of seeing hurt feelings and worried looks.  I'm tired of people hiding behind the freedoms of speech and thinking that it translates to a freedom to be inhuman.

I assume that people are passionate about whatever their beliefs are because they inherently want the best, and they fear that any belief otherwise may not meet that raised bar.  Please understand that people that believe something opposite a personal stance may also want the same thing.

...If only people were as selfless as that.  If only I could actually believe that people would put the constitution first, because of what it represents, not because of whom it benefits.  If only people would worry more about where the uneducated children of today will stumble with all their school budgets and programs slashed, as opposed to re-elections and overflowing wallets.

At the end of 8th grade, an English teacher wrote all of her classes a letter.  I don't remember much of it, save for one line: "...be people of integrity."  The line always resonated with me, because I felt it was hypocritical - she was the same teacher that never said anything while others picked on me in class.

Now, I want to repeat it with the hope that it will resonate with someone else.

Be people of integrity.  Let this foolishness of gnawing away at each other like base animals filled with selfish drive and instinct end.